Private, NOT Secretive

A few weeks ago, I had an interesting conversation with 1 of my followers via Twitter. Up until now, when I reflect back on the convo, I still find it surprising. I guess it’s simply a case of different things working for different people?


Anyways, if my memory serves me right, I believe that I had RT’d a tweet from a young man, claiming that women told their friends EVERYTHING about their relationships. As a woman who likes to keep her personal life private, I obviously disagreed with the tweet. When expressing that I disagreed, a male follower explained to me that even though I may not do what that original tweet stated, there are in fact many women out there that actually do.


I took his point on board, and that was that, however a conversation that let’s call her Sharon, then started with me, 100% proved his point.


Sharon asked me “what was the point in having friends if you can’t tell them about your problems?” To which I responded that I saw no issue in confiding personal issues with my friends, HOWEVER, to disclose EVERY SINGLE DETAIL of my relationship with my girls? To me, that is simply absurd. I explained to her that although my girls and I get on extremely well, when it comes to our personal lives, we know the basics, nothing too deep. I could ask my best mate how her boyfriend is, and she will keep the answer short & sweet, the same way I would. Never would we go into deep details about current r’ships, because it is simply NOT NECESSARY. Let me make it clear though, I’m not saying that relationships are kept like a secret amongst us, but I’m saying we keep our sh*t private.


“How is your man Femi?”

“He is good, I even met up with him before I came to see you”. Simple.




“How is your man Femi?”

“He is good. He stayed over last night. We watched Love and Hip Hop together and then he got emotional and cried over the scene were the girl almost got beat up for chatting sh*t about the other girls mum. After that we had sex on the kitchen floor, bathroom and in the hallway. His mum also called and said that his sister had been arrested for smoking weed in church… “ETC (you get my drift).


Anyways, back to Sharon.


She informed me that her and her girls told each other everything, and that that is how it had always been. I asked her to define what she meant by everything.


“Well even when I’m on a date, I will give them updates via WhatsApp. I’ll tell them what I’m ordering, what he is wearing, what we are talking about, and how it is going. I will even tell them when I have taken a toilet break. All this will be done as the date is going on”.

Personally, I find this weird. Instead of you to focus on your date and getting the most out of it, you’d rather give your girls a real time update of every single thing that is currently happening? I actually said this to her. She told me that she does enjoy the dates, but also just so happens to give her girls all the info.


I’m not a relationship coach or guru, but personally if I was on a date, and the individual couldn’t put their phone down and fully focus on enjoying my presence, I’d lock it off. The person is on a date with YOU, NOT YOU & YOUR FRIENDS. The same ways when you’re in a relationship, the person is in a relationship with YOU, NOT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS.


Feeling the need to even tell your girls in depth details of sexual encounters, between you and your partner/ whoever you are seeing (which she also said she did) again, to me is weird. I’m not trying to shoot anyone that does this down (each to their own), but when people that do this try to say that people like myself are “secretive”, nope!


I’m not secretive, I’m just PRIVATE. There’s a difference honey!



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