I often hear people discuss about how sh*t their previous ex boyfriend/girlfriend was. Let’s face it, I think even I have previously taken part in such discussions. However, the person that I have now become does not permit me to dwell in such pointless complaints. However, I do understand that when someone you previously cared about upsets, breaks your heart, or if y’all simply broke up on bad terms, sometimes you will get caught up in your feelings and allow bitterness to allow your mouth to run wild with the wind.
I recently read a book entitled “Why Men don’t love women like you”. It was a great read, and honestly opened my mind to various things. I am not going to review the book, however, it did spark up a train of thought.
When dating, and the topic about previous partners arise, why do many of us not talk about the good things that our ex partners did? Instead, we tend to overlook the good moments, and the good things that attracted us to our ex’s in the first place. Also, if you continuously rant on about just how rubbish your ex/ex’s were, what does that say about your judgment? Your ex was 100% rubbish (this is the story that y’all stick to), yet you were attracted to them? So basically, you’re attracted to absolute garbage? Is that what you are telling me? Furthermore, being able to discuss about the good things that your previous love did, will give people, or the person you are dating an idea of how to make you happy, or what makes you happy.
I often say, that every “good” person has an annoying trait(s?) I also believe that every “bad” person (depending on what you define as bad) has his or her good points too. It is very easy for us to allow our hurt to turn into bitterness, so much so, that when thinking about an old flame our blood boils. I believe that holding onto such negative energy; will form bitterness, which will actually prevent you from receiving the fantastic things that the universe has to offer you. Let the hurt go; learn from it, work on keeping your energy positive and surely there will be better things ahead. You also have to keep in mind that while you are spending all your energy slandering your ex, he/she has probably moved on with their lives, and you probably do not even pop into their mind.
Do not assume that speaking negatively about your ex will by force make the listener view you as some kind of Angel. Yes, your relationship crumbled. The fault may have indeed been your ex’s, or it may have been yours, HOWEVER why spend so much time focusing on the negative aspect of what happened? During that situation you learnt a lot about yourself. You also may have discovered new things that you liked, that your ex might have done for you. Maybe your ex used to make you breakfast in bed and that is something that you loved. Maybe they used to leave random sweet messages in your packed lunch for work. Why aren’t these things ever mentioned?
I guess one could argue with me and say that the negative thing that caused the breakup outweighed the actual relationship BUT for you to have even entered a relationship with that individual in question in the first place, means that they must have had good characteristics. You can argue with me all you want about this point, but unless you’re a complete nut job, why would you enter a relationship, or even date someone that was bad from the get-go??
We are humans with emotions and that is perfectly fine, but my issue is with us forever focusing on the negative things and not remembering the positives. I am not talking about abusive relationships by the ways, and nor am I a relationship guru. I am just a freethinking spirit who sees things much differently to how I used to. I mean, if I was dating someone, and he kept ranting on about how “crazy” his ex was, and how everything about her was a “headache”, I would question if he were all right in the head.
I’m not saying don’t talk about the rubbish that your previous Mr./Mrs. did. I’m simply saying be tactful with it. Be a breath of fresh air, and feel free to talk about the things they did that made you smile, without being typical Tyrone that can’t get over his hurt and wants to constantly walk down bitter lane with you.