After an incident occurred earlier on this year, I told myself that this year was going to be my “selfish year”. I would spend the rest of this year focusing on myself, and not giving so much of myself to others.
I am naturally a friendly and giving person (however I am also very private). Although I do not allow past experiences to tweak my character, I did feel that it was necessary for all the love and care that I like to sprinkle onto others, be also marinated into myself. I felt, and I still feel that it is important for me to work on a relationship with myself before truly being able to accept anyone else into my life.
Nevertheless, as life will have it, anything can happen at any given time.
Over the summer, I met an interesting character. We got on fairly well, but as usual I made the mistake that a lot of women do, overlooked warning signs.
As time went on, I did various good deeds for the individual in question. A part of me dislikes the fact that I am even writing about this, as I am believer that if you do good, the world does not need to know. Due to my belief and me feeling that there isn’t any real need, I am not going to start listing everything that I did. That would be petty. I know, and God knows what I did, so I’m happy with that.
I eventually decided to call it quits, as things were simply not working for me. I honestly felt that we worked better as friends and I made this known. We discussed my decision back and forth via WhatsApp voice notes. At last, it seemed like although we were both disappointed that things had not worked out; at least we would work on being friends…
And then it happened.
REAL COLOURS WERE SHOWN.
This individual did the 1 thing that I have NEVER RESPECTED in this life. They used something personal that I had previously told them and threw it back in my face. Upon doing so, they also called me SELFISH and stated that I always think about myself and no one else.
Anger is a temporary emotion. Even when I am angry I chose my words carefully, or simply walk away or hang up the phone in order to avoid saying SOMETHING THAT I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO TAKE BACK. We are human. No one is perfect, however, I believe that someone will tell you what they truly think about you when they are either:
Haven’t you noticed that when someone says some f*cked up sh*t to you they then hola at you eventually with something like:
“Come on, you know that I was drunk. It was the alcohol talking”
“I was just angry and so I wanted to say anything that I knew would hurt you”
Why f*ck something up over temporary emotions? Furthermore, if you want to be petty and say something just to “hurt someone”, you’d have to be the lowest of the low to use something that they trusted and confided in you with.
I thought about it, and remembered that it is human nature for us to forget the good deeds that people do for us once they do 1 thing that displeases us. That is ok, but NEVER WILL I ALLOW IT TO STOP ME FROM DOING GOOD. People whom I even no longer speak to, have told me personal things that I will take to the grave with me. Not once, have I used something that they have told me, against them, because “I was angry”.
Anyway all the fingers on our hands are not equal. The same way that everybody is different, and that is perfectly fine. However, when someone shows you their true colours you just have to take it like that, and wish them all the best. I hold no ill feelings in my heart towards this individual, as holding grudges blocks blessings. Situations like this occur so that one can learn from them, and I indeed learnt a lot. Upon everything that I had done for this person, they turned around in the end to call me “selfish”, whilst throwing the trust that I had for them back in my face.
I will never become a SELFISH PERSON, but as of now, until whenever I am ready, I AM GOING TO HAVE THE SELFISH MOMENT THAT I DID NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO HAVE THIS YEAR. I will use this time wisely to focus on myself, plan towards my future and enjoy my single life.
So I guess he was right. I can now officially say that “I AM SELFISH”.