I have not fully thought about my wedding day, marriage, or having children. It is not something that I fantasise about. The closest that I’ve seriously thought about my wedding ceremony, is acknowledging that I would not want to wear a traditional white dress. Up until about a year ago, I was concerned on if this was “normal”.
Society has heterosexual women feeling, that by a certain age (if not even way before), you should be dreaming, planning, or have even experienced your “big day”. I have come across several women over the years, either my age group or younger, who know exactly how they want their wedding day to be like. When I say this, I am talking about location, colour schemes, bridesmaids’ dresses, the WHOLE LOT! What I find even more interesting is that some of these women do not have partners.
Ask some women how many kids they would want, and watch their eyes glow up with excitement, as they passionately inform you of all of their future kids names, and genders. I genuinely take an interest in the passion behind these women’s thoughts. This results in me asking further questions, in which they often tell me that it’s something that they have dreamt about since they were young.
In previous relationships, I’ve never felt compelled to discuss or express my joys at the thought of marriage. If anything, I find that the useless riff-raff that I have previously dealt with, normally are the ones to start expressing the desire to one day marry me, and live happily ever after.
I have previously, AWAYS felt weird around children. I felt silly trying to play with them, or even trying to connect with them. This changed when I spent 6 months in Ghana, around my baby/ kid nephews and nieces. They are all so absolutely adorable, and over time it felt natural for me to be around them. However, you know how some women become “broody” when coming across “cute babies”? I still CANNOT RELATE to this.
When I have previously been asked the reason as to why I am the way that I am, I have never really known how to answer that question. Nothing “traumatic” occurred to me when I was younger. Maybe it’s simply because I wasn’t into what society would deem as “girly things” when I was growing up? I honestly, do not know, but what I do know is that it has taken me a long damn time, to fully accept that I am not “normal” in this aspect. Let me break down what I mean by this I am not normal phrase.
As I’ve stated earlier on in this post, most people (men) assume that all heterosexual women fantasise about men, getting married and having kids. What they fail to realise is that every woman is different. Overall, it has become “normal” for a woman to base her whole life on finding “Mr Right” (I DON’T believe in Mr Right by the way, but maybe I’ll save this for another post), settling down, and popping out babies. I am not this kind of woman that society, or some of these men, assume or expect that I am/should be.
Upon carefully thinking about it, I believe that the reason why I am not normal is because I don’t feel pressured to live my life, according to what society thinks is “right”. If anything, this idea that all heterosexual women are this 1 set way, is a reflection of what others think all women’s lives are about. Unfortunately for them, I believe that there is more to a woman’s life, than simply men, marriage and children. I however, do thoroughly acknowledge that there are many women whose main focus in life, has been to become a mother, a wife, or both, and this is perfectly fine. I am simply saying that personally for myself, this isn’t my main aspiration.
I am aware, that if God permits, these things will occur in the near future, HOWEVER there is absolutely nothing wrong with I not focusing or even thinking about such things, at this precise moment of my life. I am not normal (to society), BUT, normal in my world.