My birthday weekend was awesome. I thank God that I’m a year older, a year wiser and that I’m aging like fine wine. I feel blessed to be in good health, and surrounded by folks who have my best interests at heart.
Earlier on this year, a handsome young guy approached me. We got talking, started hanging out, and it became evident that he had allowed his past to damage him. What do I mean by that, I hear you ask? Well, he had had multiple bad experiences with women, in the past. Due to this, although he at first appeared to be ready to “settle down”, he actually had severe trust issues. His issues were so bad that whenever he had a falling out with his best friend (who was a woman), he would randomly message me stating: you see this is why I don’t trust women.
Anyway, as time passed he would say and do hurtful things towards me. When I would pull him up on it by expressing why I was offended by what he had said/done he would ALWAYS flip the script and state that I was being “too emotional”. He would often say things like “typical African woman, blowing things up for no reason”. Sometimes, this would be followed up with “You see this is why I don’t open up to anyone!” At times, he would have me questioning myself like “was what he really said/did that deep for me to feel this way”? This is when it really hit home that he was emotionally manipulative. My positive energy was being sucked away by him, and I WAS ALLOWING IT.
I indirectly wanted to prove to him that I wasn’t like the other women in his past that had let him down. Due to this, I was indirectly making excuses for his rubbish behaviour, by putting it down to past problems and his insecurities. We all have some form of insecurities but his ran so deep that when I’d compliment him on his appearance, it was often received in a negative manner. Enough was enough and I soon came to my senses and distanced myself. I realised that this guy had zero positive intentions towards me. He simply wanted to leech onto my energy and break me down.
Although I had mentally decided to move on, I still kept him available in my phonebook. This of course meant that he had access to contact me. He would do so when he was bored or had nothing to do. At first I tried to be polite and hold conversation, but as time progressed, I’d either keep my replies to a minimum or ignore. It became evident that he had noticed that I was no longer interested in him and that he no longer had a form of power over me.
He resorted to the next best thing, randomly messaging me to tell me just how much of a fantastic woman I am. These are the type of things that emotionally manipulative men do when they realise that they are losing power/control over you. I’d often read the message, laugh, roll my eyes and delete the chat, yet I was allowing this idiot to have the privilege of still having my direct contact.
You see I was doing what most women do. That “I know he is a dickhead, but I want him to see me glow up & what he is missing out on”, even though I 100% knew that nothing in this world would make me want to give him a solid chance.
Nevertheless, one evening after work, he started a WhatsApp conversation with me. I had time on my hands, and thought to entertain it. He started with generic questions, before attempting to flirt. When he noticed that his pathetic attempts at charming me wasn’t working, he resorted to telling me that I was “playing too hard to get”. How can someone you treat like you don’t want/value be playing too hard to get? I asked. He proceeded with a cheeky “I’m sensing a bit of resentment here, is there anything you need to get off of your chest?”
I made it known that there wasn’t, and that I was simply stating a fact, to which he responded with “I f*cks with the old you man”. I didn’t respond. I deleted the chat, went to sleep & blocked him on every platform that I had him on, the following morning. The freedom that I felt was exhilarating. I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT AGES AGO!
The old me was a sucker for allowing him to treat me the way that he did. The old me would have still been calling and messaging him to find out how his day was going. The old me would continuously ask him when he was free so that we could link up. The old me WOULD STILL FORCE A LINK UP EVEN WHEN I COULD TELL THAT HE WASN’T BOTHERED ABOUT SEEING ME. The old me would have ALLOWED HIM TO TALK DOWN ON ME AND STILL ACT AS THOUGH WE WERE BEST PALS AFTER THAT INCIDENT. The old me DID NOT KNOW HER WORTH AND WOULD SETTLE FOR ANY BIT OF ATTENTION THIS FOOL WOULD GIVE TO ME. THIS WAS THE OLD ME THAT THIS GUY SUPPOSEDLY LIKED. I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E. AND ALTHOUGH HE “LIKED ME THEN”, NOTICE HOW HE STILL TREATED ME LIKE SH*T.
So for anyone out there who is allowing someone to mistreat them, and then thinking to themselves “Oh he/she doesn’t know what they are doing”, I AM HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YES THEY DO! They are 100% aware about their scummy actions, and that is why when you gain the strength to walk away from them, they start discussing old times y’all shared, and how they miss the “old you”. The REAL TRUTH OF THE MATTER IS THAT THEY DO NOT MISS YOU; THEY SIMPLY MISS THE CONTROL THAT THEY HAD OVER YOU. Until you realise what this situation really is, you’re just going to allow this individual to treat you like rubbish.
YOU ARE NOT RUBBISH. YOU ARE ROYALTY. LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF. DISCOVER YOUR WORTH. ACKNOWLEDGE THAT YOU DESERVE THE BEST THINGS THAT LIFE HAS TO OFFER. SET YOUR STANDARDS HIGH AND STICK TO THEM. ONCE YOU TRULY LOVE YOURSELF AND LEARN HOW TO WALK AWAY FROM TOXIC THINGS/BEINGS, ALLOWING POSITIVITY TO COME YOUR WAY WELL BECOME MUCH EASIER.