In 2014, I discovered that someone I was in a relationship with was a serial cheat. He was cheating on me with multiple women, and I found out via social media. Amongst feeling shocked, disappointed and like a fool, I asked myself what did I do to make him cheat?
Mad right. I really questioned if I was the cause of his wayward behaviour.
As ridiculous as I now understand such a thought process is, many women who have previously been in such a situation, may be able to relate.
You start thinking about all the things your mother and other women told you “keeps a man”.These things may involve cooking for him, making sure sex is always available, giving him the best head and making sure you are his place of peace after a stressful day at work. Granted, these are all fantastic things to do for your partner, however, these things will not stop a cheater from cheating.
Most of us have been taught from a young age that a woman’s life is only valuable and has meaning if she has a man and is able to keep him. Due to this, if you bend backwards for your man and do everything that elder women advised you to do, yet the man still decides to cheat, you start to feel like a failure. Isn’t that crazy? To unlearn such illogical thinking, can take some time. It wasn’t until when I commenced my journey of unlearning previous bullshit that I was spoon-fed, that shit became really clear.
Sis, you did not do anything to make him cheat. He had the choice of whether or not he was going to resist temptation and not disrespect you, and he chose to do what he wanted to do. You cannot keep a man who doesn’t want to be kept. I also want to take the opportunity to dismantle this infuriating belief that if a woman doesn’t cook, clean, do gymnastics in the bedroom as well as other things that are beneficial to the man, then he will cheat. Sis, there are women out there that cannot even boil an egg but they still have partners that love them to pieces and are faithful. Let’s not buy into this bullshit that if you can’t do certain things then you will automatically get cheated on. If you have bought into this nonsense, then make sure you don’t lose your receipt.
Furthermore, have you not noticed that most times a man will cheat on you with a woman that probably doesn’t do half of the things that you do? He may even cheat on you with a woman that looks nothing like you or his usual type. Unfortunately, you could be the crème de la crème and still get cheated on.
Let’s just say that maybe in the weeks leading up to him cheating, you were both heavily arguing. That still doesn’t grant him permission to cheat. If he felt things were not working out, then he should have called it quits, rather than still be in a relationship with you, and do you dirty.
Men that are serial cheaters will have you believe that it is in a man’s DNA to cheat. I do not believe this and nor should you. What I do believe in is that not everyone is built for a monogamous relationship. Although that is perfectly fine, I believe that if a man knows that monogamy isn’t for him, then he should be upfront from the get-go. He also should not attempt to get into a monogamous relationship if that is the case.
Other men claim to be able to be in a monogamous relationship, yet cheat for the sake of it. Clearly, this signifies that they simply have zero respect for their partners and lack self-control. Also, before this post comes to a close the excuse of “it didn’t mean anything”makes it worse. If a man is willing to lose you for sex that supposedly didn’t mean anything, then that already shows you his character.
At the end of the day, whatever reason a man has for cheating it has nothing to do with you. It is in fact, more to do with him. It hurts my soul knowing that there are women getting cheating on continuously by men who did not deserve them in the first place.
In my opinion, cheating is a scummy thing to do. You go and lay with another person knowing full well that you have a partner that loves and cares for you, only for you to claim that it was a mistake. How one can accidentally or mistakenly end up in another person’s insides is beyond me. Cheating is a choice, AND HE CHOSE TO CHEAT.